It is the first month of a new year and of course our minds are on what we would like to see happen in 2022. For many, this is the year we would like to meet a new person or at least enjoy the whole process. However, dating in a pandemic is not the easiest thing in the world.
With the limitations of the coronavirus and the new mutations that appear, it can be difficult to meet that special person. Sometimes, when our love life gradually drops off, a new date can feel like a job search. The fun and excitement of the encounter is lost. And if we don't find that spark initially, we can become frustrated.
Jenny Worrick of the Counselling Directory talks about how we can make appointments fun again.
Why dating starts to seem like a chore
Jenny Warwick says that we lose our enthusiasm when there is too much pressure on us to become a couple and get a partner. We feel it is something that has to be done and not something we really want.
«The truth is that this pressure may actually come from other people or society, rather than our own needs or desires. We may feel that there are certain rules dictating appointments that we may not understand.».
This can be particularly difficult if this is the first time you are dating after a break-up from a long-term relationship.
«It can start to it's almost like a job application where we are both the recruiter and the person who fills it in.», adds Jenny Warwick.
«We apply to be the person someone else wants at the same time we are looking for the person we want to be with. That's when we can start to feel like we are in a job search which fills us with a sense of drudgery and as a result we lose all sense of joy.».
What we can do to enjoy our appointment
To be ready to try something new and sometimes to step out of what is described as a «comfort zone».
«We put aside stereotypes and rules around what constitutes a date. We want to enjoy every moment of the whole process. We live in the now, the moments, getting to know the other person,» explains Jenny Warwick.
«We do not take with us our desires for the ideal partner and we let our instincts guide us. We focus on whether the other person is someone we would like to hang out with for a few hours.».
«We don't want to put pressure on ourselves but we want to enjoy every moment of the meeting. We are interested in meeting different faces. To listen to other people's interests and experiences.» And that gives us the joy we seek in our appointments.
How we can find what we are looking for while enjoying the appointment
This is a great time to look at what we want and how far we set our boundaries around relationships, says Jenny Warwick.
«We think about what we want and what we don't want, what is and is not okay for us,» he adds.
«We understand it as we get to know and come into contact with different people. Remember that every time we get to know someone, we will get closer and closer to finding out what we really want in a relationship».
Knowing the boundaries we set will make things better for us before we even establish any relationship with the other person. Take some time after each date to think about what we feel, what went well and what we would like to be different next time.
As Jenny Warwick says, «Remember, the better we know ourselves and how we feel, the more likely we are to have a good, positive and healthy relationship with someone else».
