How easy is it to figure out someone who isn't being honest with you? If you suspect that someone is hiding the truth from you and filling you with lies, just consult David J. Lieberman, a psychotherapist who has been working for the FBI for 25 years.
The most important thing, according to Dr. Lieberman, is «to pay attention not only to what others say to you, but also to the way they say it.».
That is where most of the truth lies, and only then will you «understand what is on their minds» before they deceive you.
The most classic behaviors we consider suspicious are when someone sweats, their eyes dilate, they stammer, and they tremble. However, this is not necessarily the case. It may simply be anxiety.
But if they don't match his usual behavior, that says something. The most important sign, however, is when he avoids eye contact.
In an exclusive interview on the Write About Now Podcast, he shares the seven key signs of manipulation and deception.
Specifically, those who lie:
- 1. They talk a lot
Observe someone's initial reaction when you ask them if they have done something.
«An honest answer is blunt and direct,» says Dr. Lieberman, adding that anyone who lies embellishes their stories with excuses such as «I'm not that kind of person,» answers anything other than what you asked them, or tends to repeat what they told you earlier.
Regardless, he won't remember any of this if you ask him to repeat his claims after some time has passed.
- 2. They try to «sell» you the truth
When someone tells the truth, they are not trying to convince you of anything. They just want you to know the truth. Dr. Lieberman says that «a liar wants to sell you something. They need you to believe them, so even if you do believe them (for your own reasons), they will continue to give more explanations and explain what they have already told you, over and over again.».
He does this to ensure that you are completely convinced, even though his technique essentially betrays him.
- 3. They feel relieved when the conversation ends.
Someone who tells the truth has no problem continuing the conversation with you. But if they are lying, they can't wait to avoid talking because they have created an atmosphere of interrogation themselves.
According to the expert, the relief he feels is the biggest sign of his guilt because if he told the truth and you didn't believe him, he would feel annoyed, angry, or bitter. Under no circumstances would he feel relieved.
- 4. They smile numbly
The well-known psychotherapist says that a person who lies smiles numbly, and this is revealed only on half of their face. The upper part remains expressionless precisely because they want to hide their feelings.
He smiles with his mouth closed and his lips tight without making any other movement. A person who tells the truth smiles and his whole face lights up.
- 5. They pretend to be calm
Inside, he's boiling with rage, but in front of you, he pretends to be the most relaxed and cool guy. He does this because you blame him and he wants to prove to you that he hasn't lost control or his composure at all.
He trembles but speaks calmly and with controlled intensity. He does this clearly to deceive you (once again).
- 6. Their stories are «perfectly» constructed.
There is not a single flaw in what he tells you. When someone tells the truth, the story they tell you usually defies logical coherence.
Otherwise, you hear a «perfect» fabricated story without gaps or mistakes. Just like a fairy tale!
- 7. They use impersonal pronouns.
«Pronouns reveal whether someone wants to distance themselves from their words or not.» So what does a liar do? They use impersonal pronouns to avoid being exposed.
It is exactly the same method he uses when there is no eye contact, so it is good to be prepared before he starts telling you his wonderful, fabricated lie in a passive voice.
