As Valentine's Day is just around the corner, it is natural to reflect on our love life, just as it is also natural for these thoughts to affect our dreams. Even when the object of our dreams are our former partners.
A dream - or a nightmare - about a person we have dated in the past can surprise us, especially if it is someone we have not communicated with for years. We may have a new partner, be happily solo, searching, or even be stuck with someone from the past, in any case dreams with people from the past can upset us.
«Whether we're single or in a relationship, the high expectations and social pressures that come with Valentine's Day can affect our sleep more than we think.», says Martin Seeley, CEO of MattressNextDay.
Do we want to know why we dreamed of our ex-lover? Fusik Inbal, who works with the company, describes the eight most common dreams we have about our exes and what they might mean.
Dream with an ex with whom we have long been separated
«If we have a dream with an ex from the distant past, it's a sign that we're thinking about the lost opportunities of our youth», says Inbal.
«Maybe we feel like we should have taken a different path in life, and that could be from our career to where we live. In fact, if those decisions are tied to our ex, they may still exist in our minds as unconscious thoughts. Let's try to figure out when we wake up after such a dream whether we feel terror or peace and this will show us whether the decisions we made in the past have been good for the present.».
Dream with recently divorced ex
Although dreams with freshly separated exes can be scary, Inbal explains that this is also a very normal thing. «Even if we think we've gotten over our ex, that dream may say it's not true».
But we have to eliminate that fear, he says, because there is another reason why we might be dreaming of this person. «If we are alone, we may just miss the companionship of a person by our side. Even if that ex wasn't very good to us, the need for love and companionship is a natural human desire and we may be missing the emotion and not the person itself».
Dream with an ex who apologizes to us
According to Inbal, this is because we subconsciously seek peace with the ex. «An apology in a dream is our mind's way of bringing peace to a turbulent situation. Our subconscious mind can bring back unfinished stories of the past.
«If our relationship ended badly, and the other person never took responsibility for that ending, our subconscious is still looking for that apology. In this fantasy world, exes are mature enough to take responsibility. At least in dreams».
We dream that we are together again
«If we dream that we are back together with our ex, we may just miss him», says Inbal. «Sometimes the most obvious answers are the most correct, and the feeling that we still want that person by our side is neither wrong nor embarrassing.».
«When we are awake, we can decide whether or not to pursue a reunification. But the first clue will come from the dream. Let's try to understand how realistic we felt the dream was and acknowledge the feelings we felt about being together again.».
Sexual dream with ex
We may be surprised, but these kinds of dreams usually don't involve our ex at all.
As Inbal explains: «If our body is in need of physical contact and we haven't enjoyed some physical contact with someone in a while, then the human and healthy desire to make contact will transcend the body and mind and be reflected directly in our dream.».
There is no shame in having physical desires, he adds - and it is perfectly natural to have them portrayed in a dream. After all, what happens there, stays there.
Dream with an ex cheating on us
This can be one of the most disturbing dreams. «The sense of betrayal, shame and hopelessness that accompany infidelity can ruin a good night's sleep,» says Inbal.
«If we dream of an ex-partner cheating on us, we may be trying to understand the separation. He could be expressing a concern about his loyalty to us and we may be suspicious that he was cheating on us in real life as well. It's good to remember that the dream is showing our own insecurities rather than our ex's unfaithful thoughts.».
Dream with an ex in a new relationship
«Dreaming of an ex in a new relationship is very similar to dreaming in which the ex is cheating,» says Inbal. «That's what we're really concerned about, was he faithful, did he ever really love us? It's a dream that expresses insecurity, but it's also an opportunity to find out how we feel. So it is worth asking ourselves, did the dream make us feel jealous, upset or secretly relieved that we are no longer together?;
Dream of a fight with an ex
Although we may not believe it, but arguing with an ex in our dreams can be positive. «We've looked at our old arguments so many times, and every time we came up with a better answer we wanted to explode!» says Inbal. «In our dream, we can finally win this argument, knock on the door, have the last word! This dream can be a great stress relief, as it allows us to have the last word, at least in our minds.».
